Why Mothers don't want their child to know who is their biological father?

Why are there children that Fathers don't know of?

Happy Father's Day to My Father Who  Doesn't Know I Exist

by Joe Verola

Hello Dad,

Happy Father's Day! I don't know who you are or if you’re dead or alive. I don't know if you know I exist or if you care that I exist. My mother has told me her story about you - I question it . . . but I won't tell her that.

I know when I was born, but not sure where I was conceived, maybe . . . even in the back seat of Ford. I hope I was conceived in love, but that's probably not important. If you and my mom  were  "Two ships passing in the night” in that moment of passion, well that's cool too.

 What is important is that my Mom wanted me. I carry many of her physical and personality traits, but I am sure the rest are attributable to you. So in a way, I can and have imagined who you are. I think/hope you would be pleased with the package, I am for the most part. So thank you for that.

So again, Happy Father's Day - who and wherever you are - Dad!

This anonymous father's day message is in response to the following situation:

As a woman, have you ever asked a man, "Do you have any Kids?" or, as a man have you been asked, "Have any Kids?" and the response given  . . . "None that I know Of."

I believe that there are men like me who would like to know if they have children that they have not been told about. I deeply wish to know if I have/had any children that I don't know of.  I hope this wish isn't received in a negative light. There are many situations . . . "Ships passing in the night" to less romantic encounters where  a child is conceived and communication is severed either intentionally or unintentionally.

My name is Joe Verola, and I created NoneThatIknowOf.com on August 18, 1999, at the infancy of the internet which made it possible for me to help children of all ages to unite/ reunite with their birth fathers,  particularly  myself. The idea was to allow men to provide enough information about themselves along with photos over the years as to be easily recognized by anyone where we/they where ships passing through the night, lost contact and child resulted. Unfortunately, for the ten years the website offered this service, I was the only one willing to provide information to identify myself. The only results so far were that I received email comments complimenting me on the concept and my effort to help children to reunite with their birth fathers.

Why would I want to know if I have any unknown children? Why do I think I have one or more children that I don't know about? In my case, my only child, who was the Sonshine of my life, was killed at the age of 21. It was this horrific event that was the genesis for me to look for any child I might not know about. That was my reason, but hopefully it isn’t the reason for other men to search out their unknown son or daughter who need their love.

Again … to date, I haven’t found any children I don't know of. I hope this article will help me as well as encourage other men to do the same. I intend to add to the site a form for women to input specific information that would only be recognized by the intended party to re-establish a connection and let someone know that have a child who would like to meet him.

Children are not always planned or desired. However dealing with an unexpected stork dropping a baby in your lap can complicate the situation.

All of the above raise the following questions and response or reasons:

1. Why a mother may not know who the father was or is.
2. Why are there Mothers who don't tell their children who are their biological fathers?
3. Why are there Mothers who don't want their children to know who are their biological fathers?
4. Why a mother may not want the real father to know she had his child.
5. Why are there Fathers who have children they don't of?
6. Why are there Fathers who don't want to know?

The reasons, some obvious, while others are difficult to accept:

1. Reasons why a mother may not know who the father was or is.
   1. A romantic interlude with a stranger passing in the night and lost his contact information.
   2. The result of spring vacation.
   3. The result of an hedonistic vacation.
   4. Got  drunk, and had a one night strand.
   5. Had sex while on vacation and can only remember the man's first name from a one night stand.
   6. Had multiple sex partners in a short period of time without protection.
   7. Sadly, woman was raped.
2. Reasons why there Mothers don't tell their children who are their biological fathers.
   1. Became pregnant from an affair, but married another and told him he was the father.
   2. Had an affair and became pregnant while married at the time.
3. Reasons why Mothers don't want their children to know who are their biological fathers.
   1. Mother doesn't know who the father his and tells the children that she divorced their father because he was abusive and later found out that he died in car accident.
   2. Mother knew the father, but was not married at the time of conception, and tells the child that the father died, before they were able to get married.
   3. Mother was married to the child's father, but after a bitter divorce told the child that their father died.
4. Reasons a mother may not want the real father to know she had his child.
   1. Mother believed the father was and continues to be either abusive, ignorant, low class etc.
   2. Mother believed the father was capable of raising a child or a pet.
5. Reasons why Fathers have children they don't of.
   1. An affair while both were traveling or on vacation, and with the best intentions was going to call her, but lost her number when he got home and he didn't know her last name.
   2. He had an ongoing dating relationship with the woman, but after the breakup she discovered she was pregnant, but out of spite or knew that she didn't fell he would be a good father did let him know.
   3. He had a one night stand, and girl became pregnant and felt it was he wasn't the man that she wanted as father to raise her child.
6. Reasons why Fathers don't want to know.
   1. Father of the child was married when he had the affair that produced a child.
   2. Father is made aware that the girl is pregnant, but doesn't believe or doesn't want to believe he is the father.
   3. Father is immature, a looser and doesn't want to face up to the physical, psychological and or financial responsibility of his actions.

 I hope whatever a woman's reason may be, were I am the father, I really would like to know and get involved with the child's life. On the other hand, I will be as discrete as necessary.

Joe Verola 
NoneThatIKnow.com